Who knew that for “so many years I’d go to bed and be like, ‘Please wake up with Kate Moss’ body,” said reality star Kelly Osborne to USA Today in Tuesday’s interview for her book launch.  She continued to say, “Please wake up with all these different things that would make me accepted and fit in…and it’s so miserable.”

Photo credit: Jordan StraussInvisionAP

Those miserable feelings of not fitting in because of our appearance may be the only thing we have in common with Kelly Osborne and other celebrities who appear regularly on talk shows, podcasts, and book covers to share their body shaming stories with the rest of us.

Who knew that behind the couturier clothing, $300 haircuts, and fabulous appearances at the “in” places to be, those women we envy share moments of misery based on the false pressure to be something they aren’t: Perfect.

After many years of therapy, Kelly concludes “It’s Ok not to be perfect.” Some of us already know that and without years of therapy, because who can afford all those hours spent on some high paid professional’s couch to tell us what we already know from our body’s knowledge?

We are already flawless! Excellent in every way!

How do we know? When we communicate with our bodies, she tells us so!

All we must do is listen!

How to we listen?

We get up and move! Try it now:

• Stand up,
• Breathe in,
• Reach up,
• Breathe out,
• Step up!

There, feeling “excellent”!

If not there yet, repeat.

That’s your body knowledge in action.

For more information, contact me!

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The essence of my Beauty Knowledge System is changing the conversation with yourself. Together we learn to communicate with our bodies and the result of that communication creates a natural approach to body confidence.

This concept is catching!

Award winning psychologist, Dr. Renee Engeln, PhD, based her new best seller, “Beauty Sick” on solving our cultural body shaming crisis with changing the conversations with have with each other, with our daughters, and with ourselves.

Dr. Renee Engeln’s  “Beauty Sick” addresses the harm body shaming does to all women’s body image. Her Tedx talks on that damage have received over a quarter million viewers. After identifying the far reaching negative effects on women, she provides realistic solutions to recovering our power, our promise and our true selves.

“Today’s young woman face a bewildering set of contradictions when it comes to beauty:

• They don’t want to be Barbie dolls but, like generations of women before them they are told they must look like them.
• Angry about the media’s treatment of women but, hungrily consume the very outlets that belittle them.
• Mock modern culture’s absurd beauty ideal and make videos exposing Photoshopping tricks, but feel pressured to emulate the same images they criticize by posing with a “skinny arm.”
• Understand what they see isn’t real, but still download apps to airbrush their selfies.
• Ready to fight back against their beauty sick culture, they need a way forward to create a different world for themselves.” Amazon Review

Every woman in the world knows the symptoms of beauty sickness. Every time she compares herself to the image on a screen, on the pages of a magazine, on an Instagram image on her cell phone, her negative reaction to her own appearance is a symptom of the national epidemic.

It will “take a village” to cure this cancer assaulting our self-esteem.

Become a part of the promise guaranteed by a better body image, one confident woman at a time!

Contact me, and together we’ll Stop the Body Shaming Now!

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Over the past few weeks, we’ve asked the question, “Why are we even talking about body confidence?”

We’re talking about it because it provides true freedom for you in all areas of your life!

And we are very excited to see that someone in the fashion world truly embracing and promoting body confidence!

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WHAT HAPPENED?

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Fashion designer Michael Kors recently included a plus-size model (meaning a model beyond size 12) in his runway show! He also made some great comments about body confidence for women of all body types.

From the Huffington Post, Kors said:

“I don’t like it when the models all look the same,” he said at the time. “To me it’s so incredibly boring to turn them into mannequins; it’s so much more interesting if we have different ages, ethnicities, body types, heights.”

“The show was about strength and sensuality, and also about the diversity that we see here in New York that has inspired me my whole life,” he said. “There were models in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, models who are petite, tall, and curvy, models who are tomboys and others who are bombshells. My whole career, I’ve dressed a huge variety of people, because my job is to make everyone look great and feel more confident.”

How wonderful it was to see so many different body types gracefully moving down the runway.

We hope this is the beginning to giving all body types the confidence to see themselves reflected in models who represent “their” body!

Bravo Michael Kors for refusing to perpetuate the unhealthy eating disorder culture of modeling! He chose to promote the beauty of the diversity of various body types!

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NOW…..WHAT ABOUT YOU?

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My friend your unique body confidence matters.  And I want to help you.

Why not start with my 2^nd edition eBook, Five Easy Steps to a Better Body Image.

You can also listen to some of my radio shows (only ½ hour each) with Debi Talbert to give you the experience of my Body Knowledge System ® with the sprinkling of Law of Attraction principles.  Download here. 

Both of these offerings share some of the information you need to get past the decades of low body confidence you’ve experienced.

It’s time to take control, take charge of becoming the confident woman our body wants us to be.

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(Part One of the Spring Blog Series about the benefits of age and body image.)

Body Confidence evolves from a positive body image, but which comes first?  From DoSomething.org, “”Body image” is the way that someone perceives their body and assumes that others perceive them the same way.”

Fortunately, as we age the second part of that statement loses its influence.

As young women we were led to believe that our body image reflected the current cultural standards for beauty as addressed in the media. To the degree our body conformed to those standards, our body image rose or fell. That may have been true during our youth when fad diets, exercise programs, and hip fashions occupied most of our attention. Changing our appearance was as easy as dying our hair, changing our makeup, or buying a new outfit and was all about our image…not our body or who we were.

Older women know it takes more than a change of clothes, or a new hair cut to better one’s body image. We also acknowledge that weight comes naturally with each passing decade, and that the 22 inch waist of our teens and twenties has relaxed with the arrival of each child, and that regardless of the number on the scale, the appearance of the pounds on our frame has shifted. Sure, surgery can take care of what the effects of exercise leave untouched; but that’s a drastic solution to a naturally occurring change.

Besides, the person within is the source of the confidence, and not our external trappings.

Those external changes had nothing to do with body confidence which as an internal transformation can occur at any age.

The best part is we have total control over our body confidence. True body confidence begins within us and emerges in a vastly improved body image…at any age. Others reactions to our improved body image serve to energize our body confidence. And the positive cycle begins again, your body confidence is a renewable resource!

Of course Body Confidence matters, and the Body Knowledge System® shows you the way!

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Ah, Men!

They’re Finally Joining the Movement to Banish Body Shaming.

These men were upset their body types were not represented on the runway. (Can this be true?)

This picture shows men resembling our brothers, husbands, fathers, and sons reacting to male body shaming at LONDON FASHION WEEK

Perhaps there’s hope for all of us…

Men – yes, men – real men, normal men, protested the lack of their representation at the recent London Fashion Week.  They were offended that the male models on the runway were the tall, skinny prototype seen at female fashion shows. Does the fashion industry focus on “every man” or only the tall skinny men appearing on runways, and in magazines?

It’s about time they know how their girlfriends, sisters, daughters and mothers feel about the body shaming that occurs hourly in modern fashion media.

#fashionforeveryman is their tagline.

What about #fashionforeverywoman?

When you google that hashtag, the skinny female counterparts show up wearing designer clothing in size “0”s.

Every woman?

I think not!

Perhaps #fashionforeveryBODY?

That eliminates the gender bias and makes “fashion” accessible to everyday people, not human coat hangers.

Hey, we’ve put up with that for years, so it’s good to know there are sensitive men out there who may now understand the unnecessary pain caused by that perceived “put down”.

I hope this is the beginning to the end of body shaming!

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THE ARTICLE

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According to the Huffington Post, over 500 women participated in this year’s event in China.

A 68-year-old participant said, “Who said we are too old for bikinis?”

And get this… the oldest participant was 80-years-old!

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POSITIVES AND NEGATIVES

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Okay, here are my thoughts…

• On the positive side – it’s encouraging to see women getting out and being confident in their bodies!
• On the negative side – why is there so much pressure on women to look good in bikinis??

For years now… we’ve heard that if you don’t look good in a bikini, you’re not worth anything.

And that is ridiculous.

Who says you have to look good in a bikini, or even wear one at all?

Who gets to decide these things?

Our Culture?

Or you and your body?

Why not promote swimwear that works for all kinds of bodies?

Ask yourself – What would make *me* feel confident?

And then find clothes that are in line with that.

Find clothing that makes *you* feel confident.

Again, don’t let culture tell you that you’re only worth something if you look good in a bikini.

Listen to the voices in your head… and learn to laugh with them!

If you’re a woman who feels good in a bikini, go for it!

But what if you don’t?

Should you work and work until you do?

Wear one anyway?

Find something else?

What do the voices in your head say about that?

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WHAT DO *YOU* THINK?

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So… I want to know:

What do *you* think?

I’d love to hear your thoughts, and help you work through any questions you might have.

Post your comments below.

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“It takes as long as it takes you to release the RESISTANCE. Could be 30 years, could be 40 years, could be 50 years, could be a week. Could be tomorrow afternoon.” ~Abraham-Hicks

A recent phone call with a potential client still frustrates me, and not because of her reluctance to commit to the help she sought by calling me, but because her resistance reached out to me as she told me her story. A victim of sexual abuse as a child, she packed on the pounds to protect herself from “attracting” that kind of attention as she matured into adulthood. After years of therapy, dieting, and training programs that produced the yo-yo results we are all familiar with, she opted for bariatric surgery to control her intake of calories. When she contacted me, she called out of apparent desperation for my experience in giving my clients the confidence they need to continue their commitment to themselves.

After the exchange of emails and phones calls explaining our one-on-one coaching process and the guarantee of my support through a successful outcome; she continued to provide reasons she could not commit to the body knowledge system. As I met her every objection with a solution, she indicated she would get back to me with her commitment in a week. A week later, she called with another reservation, another excuse, another reason to resist the help she had sought when she first contacted me as a reference from her close friend, one of my successful clients.

What disturbs me is not her reluctance to commit to a coaching program, but the paradox of her seeking me out to help her, and then when help is offered, her resistance to accepting it.

There are many roads to a goal: each path presents specific challenges and obstacles, so it is up to us to decide which route offers the best possibility for success.

To get to body positive from body shaming, body negative, requires the release of your resistance to get what you want for yourself.

Once we decide on a direction, what prevents us from taking the first step?

Fear.

FEAR: False Evidence appearing Real

Our fear is based on our past experience, yet it is from the future, which has not happened yet…although intellectually it makes no sense to be afraid of things that have not happened yet, emotionally, mentally our imagination makes our fears into a reality (at least in our minds) and if you follow the downside of LOA, then you will “attract” the events as you are imagining them…horrible as they are!

Fear manifests itself as resistance: the “yes, but” response when we are asked for a commitment to our goal. The excuses are all familiar:

• Not enough money
• Not enough time
• Not enough energy
• Not enough motivation
• Not enough desire

It all boils down to the resistance we all feel around change…positive, negative; it matters not, whenever challenged to leave our comfort zone our initial reaction is NO!

As unhappy as we think we are (or we feel we are) with where we are now, even the promise of a better outcome is not enough to raise our vibration, or energy level, to MOVE toward the solution.

How to overcome the power of inertia?

Commitment to make a change.

Notice, I didn’t say Change!

Nor did I say Make a Change!

I said, “commitment.” Commitment is the most personal word in that phrase, because it means an agreement between you and yourself. Stating a commitment to another person may work, if you’re a child and other-directed, but you’re an adult and the only person you answer to is yourself.

So, let’s begin there: commit yourself to yourself.

Then ask for help from a coach to guide you with their expertise to keep your commitment to yourself.

Mind Set vs. Body Set

In order to get what you want for yourself, regardless of the method you use, to be successful requires alignment between your body’s (your heart’s desire) intention and your mind’s intentions. For the LAW of Attraction to work, to be effective, this is not just a preference, it’s a requirement.

When the law of attraction is not working for you, it’s because of an unconscious resistance you are unaware of, but its presence lowers your vibration. As Joe Vitale said in a prior issue of the Law of Attraction Magazine (page 9, October, 2016) when “counter-intentions present within you, that is thoughts and beliefs that run contrary to your conscious wishes”, they prevent you from reaching the results you want.

So when your mind says” yes”, your body says” yes”, but your mouth says “no”, that resistance is stressful. And stress always puts brakes on the positive energy, high vibration the LOA requires to work in your best interest.

The solution is to align your inner guidance system (your body) with your outer response system (your mind attached to your mouth).

That’s what the Body Knowledge System® is all about: combining the power within your body to the purpose within your mind. That alignment makes all things possible!

So how do you achieve that alignment?

Do-It-Yourself can work, if you work it.

Here are three suggestions to apply when you seek a Better Body image, body confidence or want to feel positive about your body:

• Meditate: to open your mind to your body’s awesome inspiration.
• Move, move, move: to allow your body to share her joy with your mind.
• Manifest your body’s knowledge with help from a body knowledge expert.

If Doing-It-Yourself fails to provide enough positive energy to attract the positive energy you seek, it’s not a disgrace seek help—from someone who knows how to get you from where you are, to where you want to be. Reach out to a mentor to guide you back to your core, your body. Together you will overcome any resistance to achieving your goals.

It’s time to short circuit the downside as you realize the upside with a little help from your friends, including your BFF, your body…allow your body to befriend you, so the two of you will achieve the body confidence you both deserve.

Where and How to start?

Share Tags: Body Image, Body Relationship, Law of Attraction

This week I want to talk to anyone who is sick and tired of reading blog posts that tell you a bunch of information but don’t actually help you implement anything.

You been there before? You read something, you feel sort of empowered or encouraged for a few hours, but then nothing changes.

You fall into the same old patterns and habits.

You read more blog posts. Nothing changes.

If you’re sick and tired of this cycle… if you’re ready to see real change… if you’re ready to experience true body confidence, no matter your age…

Let’s just cut to the chase.

For women over 50 who want to embrace their body confidence, a system DOES exist about HOW to gain confidence in a practical way.

In Chapter Five of my book, Body Knowledge System®, I explain the Four (4) Body Knowledge System ® Styles: Organized, Analytical, Spontaneous, and Inspirational.

After years of observing and working with my clients, I developed the following Body Knowledge System® Styles. Circle each one that applies to you.  Give it a try right now! 

Let’s us know in the comments below!

Organized

• You are at your best when everything has an order.
• You are punctual. You are committed to being on time.
• You like rules and routines.
• You are happiest when you feel organized.
• You take on projects first by setting a schedule and establishing a routine.
• You like keeping a journal or a log. It’s important to you to track daily progress.

Analytical

• You love complexity. You don’t shy away from it. Rather, you like to take a concept, break it down and study it.
• You enjoy working out problems and learning the principles and theories behind them.
• Your goal is to be competent at whatever you do.
• You love a challenge.
• You are imaginative, but you like for things to make sense.
• You are most receptive to a new experience when Everything is explained to you.
• You like to have numbers and facts to back up statements and beliefs.

Spontaneous

• You see life as fun. You like to play.
• Your strategy is always changing.
• You are not attracted to organized rules, and you don’t like complicated rules.
• You will follow rules if they are simple.
• You are willing to change the rules if circumstances change.
• You need the reasons you do things to be natural.
• You like to do things at the spur of the moment.
• You love people. You are motivated by activities with people.

Inspirational

• You like to create an environment that puts other individuals in a position to learn or take action.
• You like it that others look to you for inspiration.
• You are creative.
• You are concerned about helping others’ personal growth.
• You gravitate toward mind-body principles.
• You like to believe anything is possible.
• You are at your best when you focus on the positive.

Once you understand which styles are a good fit, you’ll be able to embrace your strengths in a practical way. 🙂

The Body Knowledge System® is a map, a map that you make your own.

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How to Attract Your Better Body Image with Coaching

Everyone knows the first answer to a personal question is rarely the best answer rather it’s the answer that comes off the top of your head when asked anything about yourself. For instance, “How are you?”, “Fine, or good, or OK” are the standard responses whether we have a fever of 101*, just received a speeding ticket, or are nervous about an upcoming job interview. To get to the central issue requires a few follow up questions, i.e. “really?”, “You don’t look ‘ok’”, or “Why are you sweating? It’s chilly in here.”

Your Best Friend would ask you those follow up questions. I know one thing for sure, when talking to yourself about your body, there is NEVER a follow up question, because you think you already know all of the answers about your own body, and some of those answers leave you feeling bad and therefore are not right.

In my years of coaching experience, I understand the hesitation in prying into those nooks and crannies of a painful past, shameful self-image, or reluctance to change behavior. However, if improving your body positive image was easy, there wouldn’t be all of those articles, interviews, speeches from celebrities and others about body pressure to be perfect. Not a perfect you, rather a perfect beauty like those you see in the media.

BASTA! ARRETTE! STOP!

Few of us have the courage or confidence to stand alone against the social pressures aimed at selling us perfection through various products and services, and yet, when we buy into that marketing, the results are like putting lipstick on a cat. The lipstick may be a beautiful color, applied artfully, and enhances the skin tone—but the lips still belong to a cat! It’s not enough to succumb to other people’s standards for other people for you to achieve confidence; the only way to have the presence confidence inspires is to discover it within yourself. That’s where your body has the knowledge to create the poise you seek. Now all you need do is access it.

The good news is you are not alone. You are not alone in your frustration to elevate your confidence through a better body image; not alone in feeling shame around those extra pounds; not alone in the fear that arrives with every new candle on your birthday cake; and not alone as soon as you make a habit of including your body in your everyday life. I mean learning to talk to her, listen to her, and share with her on a regular basis.

Until you master your personal body knowledge system, you will be missing all the benefits your body brings to everyday of your life. And that’s where a Coach comes in to guide you, support you, and help you accept yourself for the wonderful unique individual you are! When done well, it’s not a painful process rather it’s a delightful journey to self-discovery.

“And what else?” is there to the process…

“And what else?” is the body positive question to ask when you want to get to clarity. It’s the one question you should be asking yourself, and probably aren’t, in order to clarify how you and your body want to be in the world. Using the Law of Attraction, the practitioner identifies what she really wants for herself through the contrast to clarity process as it applies only to herself, not to some idealized version of someone else.

When you accept your body as your friend, in fact your bff (best friend forever), it’s a short step to feeling good about your appearance.

Friendship implies acceptance, as well as a sincere desire to want what’s in your friend’s best interest. Applying the contrast to clarity Law of Attraction principle works when you arrive at the answer that satisfies both of you, you and your body.

To achieve your positive body image faster:

• Include your body in the conversation
• Include the powerful question, “And What Else?” into the process
• Practice feeling good about yourself daily

PS: what begins on the inside, shows on the outside.

I encourage you to include your body in your search for clarity.

After attending my popular class by phone, ‘Resist exercise? Want to know Why?,’ my client Martha called to ask me to help her find an exercise or exercises that would work for her, long term.

“It’s not about “Just Do It!” I said quoting Nike’s famous slogan, “It’s about asking your body what she wants to do to accomplish the same thing.” I truly believe that when you learn to ask your body what she wants, the two of you will get on the same page, and start achieving the things you desire!

Using the contrast to clarity principle to narrow the possibilities, getting the answers from Martha and her body, we determined what movement suited BOTH of them to achieve a positive body image.

For instance:

• What movement makes you feel good?
• Do you prefer working out alone, with another or others?
• When do you enjoy exercise?

Let’s take the first question: What makes you feel good?

1. Sitting, and what else?
2. Walking, and what else?
3. Stretching, and what else?
4. Floating, and what else?
5. Scuba, and what else?

Soon, it became apparent that Martha was not into anything involving exertion, or sweat or at least, her answers didn’t indicate “exercise” in the physical sense of the word. So, it was time to include her body in the conversation.

After getting used to the idea of her body as separate, an equal, and full of great advice, Martha asked her body the same question:

What movement makes you feel good?

1. Moving gracefully, and what else?
2. Dancing, and what else?
3. Winning!, and what else?
4. Swimming underwater, and what else?
5. Body tired from productive motion, i.e dancing, tennis, Scuba

Aha! Martha’s body held the final answer for both of them: Productive movement, with or without an element of competition.

The second part of the important question is…..Listening for an answer

In personal and professional relationships, we all know the first answer is not the only answer, and rarely the best answer. That’s why remembering the question – And what else? as a follow up question always provides deeper answers until you reach the heart of the issue.

Listening for your body’s answer to the powerful question, “And What Else?” requires another shift in your perspective. It forces you to listen for the answer from your body rather than override her input with your first, second, or third response. Where your body image comes from is more than your thoughts and feelings about your body, it begins within your body and it’s time or past time you begin to listen to her to get to the final answer for both of you.

As comfortable as you are being in control of your life, include your body by asking her this follow up question so that you are forced to relinquish your power over her as you await her answer.  Better body image coaching is not an either/or, black/white, yes/no process between two opposing entities who have not communicated with each other since childhood. Rather it is a process of reestablishing the intimate relationship between you and your body you had as an infant—the most effective and efficient way to activate the Law of Attraction.

The answers to this question are between you and your very best friend, your body. So there’s no need to shy away from the difficult questions about what you want for your body, and perhaps are “afraid” to ask? The basic principle of improving your body image through coaching is total trust and ease of communication between you and your body. The openness between whatever question you ask of your body and the answers you receive will create the positive energy to actually accomplish your basic goal: Body Confidence.

Look Forward to Attracting, then Announcing Your Positive Body Image

Working with a body image expert coach can provide a short cut to the process of accepting your body as your Best Friend. Allowing the coach to repeat “And what else?” until you provide the real answer to the question in the safety of the relationship eases the transition to establishing the intimate relationship you and your body had at birth. Working with your body you understand what you do not want (contrast) and you become clear on what you do want and that clarity attracts it easily. When you include your body in the process, you double the positive energy behind your unified efforts to reach the same goal.

The simple tool, the question ‘and what else?’ allows you to go beyond the superficial into the heart of your desires, not someone else’s desires for you. Acknowledge your individuality when applying the Law of Attraction to achieving what you want out of life, when your goals are authentic and true to you, that positive energy glows!

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Today we are exploring how to ask the question ‘what else?’ with our bodies in order to be more in alignment and to fully understand your body’s needs physically and psychologically. This will help us better create the body image stories that we tell ourselves.

How to maintain a better body image daily

If you have phrases that you repeat every day, or pictures you look at to keep your desires in front of your mind, I’d like for you to go a step deeper today with a new technique.

It’s called the “What Else’ technique and it can help you in your personal or professional life.

How to apply the ‘what else’ technique to you and your body

When you feel your body is in need of something, ask her, “And what else?”

I truly believe that when you learn to ask your body what she wants, the two of you will get on the same page, and start achieving the things you desire!

For example…you want:

• A better body….and what else?
• Thinner thighs…and what else?
• To lose 15 pounds of “baby weight”… and what else?
• For my clothes to fit better…and what else?
• To feel lighter…and what else?

In personal and professional relationships, we all know the first answer is not the only answer, and rarely the best answer. That’s why remembering the question – “And what else?” to use as a follow up question always provides deeper answers until you reach the heart of the issue.

The answers to this question are between you and your very best friend, your body. So there’s no need to shy away from the difficult questions about what you want for your body, and perhaps are “afraid” to ask? The basic principle of the Body Knowledge System® is total trust and ease of communication between you and your body. The openness between whatever question you ask of her and the answers you receive can only create the positive energy to actually accomplish your basic goal: Body Confidence.

Let’s eliminate any negativity around our body issues!

Next time you think about what you want out of life, I encourage you to be brave enough to dig deeper into your objectives behind creating those desires in the first place.

So, when you go to cut out a picture or write a wish, remember to ask “and what else” to see if that’s your real desire, or someone else’s desire for you. What you want out of life can be authentic and true to you!

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